please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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