My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
