She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
