that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
