There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
