Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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