you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
