I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
