it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
