she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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