So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
