just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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