I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
