don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
