I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
