I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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