puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize