Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
