On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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