I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
