i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
