I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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