and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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