I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
