Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
