WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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