A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize