Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
