im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it glows. i had to have it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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