Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
