I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
