Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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