I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
