Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
