My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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