I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize