i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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