If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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