her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
