I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize