You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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