oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
