We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
