so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
