Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
