Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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