I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
