don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
