god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
