we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
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Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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