I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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