As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
