Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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