he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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