I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize