I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
