why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
