I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
