so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Quick, to the slutcave!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
