I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it's like iHOP with fire
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
