Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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