So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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