ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
