Pants 0. Shit 1.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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