she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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