Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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