he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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