Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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