My first STD was from a foam party
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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