My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
