Define "chronic" masturbator.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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