Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am naked and annoyed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
