Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Are my feet made of real feet?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
