Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
