is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
