I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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