A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
