mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's always time for handjobs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
