What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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