theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
