Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Where is the hickey?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
