Swine flu. Run for my life!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
