I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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