I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
