I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
