Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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