i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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