I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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